Why Do I Feel Empty & Tips on How to Become Happy Again

Updated: December 9th 2022

Britney Spears’ song “Lucky” got me thinking. I am so blessed. I wouldn’t change a thing –except paying bills…- So why do I feel numb inside when I live such a blessed life?

I seem to have it all, so why do I feel empty inside? I am wife to a fabulous husband who serves his country. We are financially stable. We have good health.

Our family is loving and happy. I am blessed to stay at home and raise my daughter, and have a career that can follow my hubby anywhere.

But I still feel numb inside and the emptiness is still there.

If you’re like me, you have said or thought the following:

• Why do I feel empty?
• Why do I feel numb?
• I am so blessed. Why can’t I get out of this funk?
• I have such a good life. Why am I not happy?
• I must be ungrateful. I’m so blessed but I need more.
• I just wish I could feel happy again.
• Feeling nothing is so much worse than feeling feeling sad. I just want to feel again.
• Becoming happy again is impossible for me. I just need a break.
  

This post will help you discover the real reason why you’re feeling numb inside and how to start becoming happy again.

This post covers:

• What is Emotional Numbness?
• The 9 Reasons You’re Feeling Numb or Empty Inside
• Tips for how to bounce back.

PS: NONE of these tips are because you’re ungrateful, so read on to get to the root of your emotional numbness.

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“She’s so lucky she’s a star. But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking if there’s nothing missing in my life then why do these tears come at night?”

— Lyrics to “Lucky” by Britney Spears

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What Does Feeling Numb Inside Mean?

Feeling numb inside means that your emotions are suppressed or blocked.

Emotional numbness happens for many reasons: trauma, illness, stress, and life changes.

Becoming happy again means you have to find the reason behind your sudden emotional numbness.

Then you can begin the healing process and make small changes to help overcome your emotional block.

RELATED POST: 20 Healthy Mindset Habits You Need to Improve Your Anxiety

9 Reasons Why Do I Feel Numb Inside + The Tips to Become Happy Again

You’ve been so busy all your life that you feel empty without it.

Life keeps you busy. Even a blessed life is filled with work, hobbies, kids, pets, bills, etc. But kids grow up, we lose interest in hobbies, or we found the secret to being “un-busy” –if you find that secret, let me know! I want in too!-

When your routine and schedule change, you feel lost and empty. Like something is missing in life.

That’s just us learning to adjust to change.

It is perfectly normal to feel empty, lost, or even confused when you suddenly find yourself suddenly un-busy.

As a military wife with a young child, I was constantly finding myself running out of hours in the day. At one point, I was so busy that I fainted from exhaustion! –Thankfully, I fainted when I was home alone. My husband had taken our daughter to school that day.- Life was so hectic in those years.

These days life is slower.

My daughter is almost an adult. My husband has better work hours. We’re an un-busy family now, and I find myself with much more “me” time.

I felt completely empty and restless at first. And the emotional numbness began.

I kept asking myself, “Why do feel numb inside?” And I didn’t have an answer.

I felt I had failed as a mom since I had extra time on my hands. But in reality, it meant I succeeded.

I raised a thriving young adult who didn’t need me to do everything for her.

Now I could start a new chapter in my life.

Tips to Help The Transition Into a Less Frantic Lifestyle

• Show yourself some kindness and remind yourself that being busy isn’t your life’s goal, but enjoying your life.
• Pick up a new hobby!
• Allow yourself to feel unsettled. You are learning a new routine and an adjustment period is required.
• Create a new routine to help you learn your new lifestyle. Follow it until you feel comfortable again.

RELATED POST: 25 Stress Relieving Hobbies Anxious Women Need

You aren’t feeling challenged.

We all want to be mentally stimulated. And let’s face it. Boredom is a bitch.

You know the feeling that no matter what you do, you just can’t seem to stimulate and entertain yourself.

When we sit in our comfort zone for too long, we can experience boredom and feel like we’re stuck in a rut.

How to Add New Challenges to Your Life & Conquer Boredom

Here’s a few quick suggestions for conquering boredom:

• Try a new hobby
• Work on getting fit
• Take on a challenging task at work
• Get the creative juices flowing
• Read a different genre book
• Go to forums and help others.
• Work on creating a positive mindset
• Change your routine
• Assess your dreams and create a plan to reach your goals

A great way to add a challenge to your life is to take part in day, week, monthly or yearly challenges!

When I was a beginner photographer, I joined a Facebook group that sent out a weekly challenge to test our skills. I learned so much! And it challenged me to try new techniques and have new experiences. You can find many 30 day challenges on Pinterest.

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You don’t feel important.

When I feel empty, it’s usually because I feel what I am doing doesn’t matter.

Recently, I felt anyone could do what I do. I wasn’t needed anymore.

But that’s not true at all. Even though I am no longer that go-to person who everyone relies on in my family, doesn’t mean that I am replaceable.

It means I did my job right.

When you are doing your job right, especially as a parent, you’re actually are needed less.

It feels very counterproductive, and can leave you asking, “why do I feel empty?”.

When your mechanic does his job right, your car needs less problem solving maintenance; not more. Same goes for you!

You may be the person for someone that will give them an honest opinion, has a kind word, or you are their support system.

Life has Main Characters & Supporting Actors…. and life needs both.

You don’t have to be the star of life’s movie to be an important character.

Just like a great movie, there is a main character and many great supporting characters. And sometimes those supporting characters are the most loved. –Where would Harry Potter be without Ron and Hermione?-

In my role as a military wife and mom, I have a very important big job of supporting my family so they can rise to their challenges.

Being happily married to a soldier means that, for many years, my big goals and dreams have been on hold so I can support my soldier. And now that his time serving is almost through and my daughter needs me less, I can step forward and start living my own dreams.

It doesn’t mean you can’t have your dreams; it just means you have to change what they look like.

Fulfilling my role in my family means I don’t always stand out. But it’s doesn’t mean that I am not important.

When my husband got his promotion last year, he brought home flowers and did a big speech to his coworkers that none of it would have been possible without me.

I was flabbergasted. I didn’t realize how important I had been to his success.

Those little trivial things I had done that I thought weren’t important helped him feel confident enough that he could focus on his career goal while being a loving husband and father.

So a shout out to all the supporting characters in life who make life easier for wonderful kids, our first responders, those hardworking executives, animal activists, and so many more important jobs, and yes stay at home parents get a HUGE shout out!

Tips for Feeling Important:

1- If you feel you are being taken advantage of, have a conversation with your loved one and tell them what you need to feel loved and appreciated.

Many times our loved ones get so caught up in being busy they forget to slow down and appreciate others. My hubby, being a super busy guy, needs a gentle reminder to be more appreciative.

2- Show your appreciation to others as well. There may be those that do not feel comfortable expressing their needs yet. You never know who appreciates your kindness

3- Volunteering can help you reconnect and feel appreciated again.

• Visit the elderly.
• Foster a dog who is waiting for his forever home.
• Babysit children who have working parents.
• Tutor a child.
• Plant a community garden.

4- Start a blog and help others with helpful articles and stories.

5- Take the time to get to know yourself again.

Learn about your own love language and how you need to feel appreciated.

Sometimes the way we need to be shown love changes as we do. Get to know yourself and discover what you need in your life to feel love and appreciated.

-Me? I need to be thought of without prompting. My hubby does little errands for me and brings me little snacks. And since I need reassurance to ease my anxiety, he tells me how much these little things I do matter now. He and I both learned that I need very clear signals to feel loved.-

When your life changes and you are feeling numb inside, learning how to self sooth and calm your own fears will help you conquer life’s challenges.

RELATED POST: 8 Simple Calming Techniques You Need to Ease Anxiety & PTSD

RELATED POST: How to Overcome Your Fears with Desensitization

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Your blessed life is society’s dream, not yours.

Our society is full of opinions –yes, they’re opinions and not facts- about how to live an ideal life.

For the “ideal life”, society deems we marry, have 2.5 kids –at least-, work ourselves to the bone while also simultaneously raising a perfect family.

If you’re a woman, you also have to adhere to society’s beauty standards.

And men, well, they are supposed to be workaholics who don’t have emotions.

It also demands we keep our schedule busy from sun up to sun down, and sacrifice our happiness to fit in.

Life is not a “one size fits all” scenario. And it is exhausting trying to shove your amazing self into society’s tiny box.

We are so blessed to have a variety of different people.

There are women and men who gave up having families just to progress medical science.

We have stay at home parents of all sexes now.

Women can also have those high power careers now, opt out of having children and have pets instead, and take charge in their life.

Men can be emotional and still be strong, be stay at home parents, and be the supportive and loving stability of a relationship.

There is nothing that we can’t do when we step outside society and gender rules and accept our true self.

Tips for Living Your Life:

You do not have to live up to society’s ideal version.

You get to choose your version of a blessed life. It’s your life, not anyone else’s. Live it so you’re happy!

• Stop pretending to like and hate things you don’t.
• Stop keeping relationships that are toxic. Yes it hurts to let go, and you feel you failed, but in the long run leaving a toxic relationship with friends, family, and loved ones will help you grow and thrive.
• Make choices that benefit your family and your life, not people who do not live in your home.
• Learn to set boundaries based on your own thoughts, feelings, wants and needs.
• Start making choices and work toward goals that help you improve your life, relationships, family, and well being.
• Embrace your quirks and uniqueness.
• Stop trying to squeeze yourself into a box to fit into an outdated society model.
  • You are amazing just as you are. Whether your tall or short, petite or plus size, an introvert or extrovert; you are amazing just the way you are! You do not have to change yourself for society’s liking.

RELATED POST: How to Be Happy When You’re Living With PTSD

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You hide your true self to keep up your “blessed life” image.

We all want to fit in. Who doesn’t want to feel part of the crowd? But by pretending to be, like, and feel things you aren’t; all you’re truly doing is alienating yourself from your tribe.

Embracing your uniqueness and showcasing your quirks allows people to love you for you. Hiding behind a false persona is exhausting. Not to mention that you just feel unhappy that people cannot accept your true self.

Tips for Living Authentically:

I use to “fake it until I made it” to fit into groups of people that were accepted. But I really felt a deep depression that no one knew the real me. No one knew what I really loved, felt, or experienced. I just always felt that I did not fit in. My deep desire to fit in was what was actually keeping me feeling empty.

By accepting that I was different, I learned not only to like myself, but found people that liked me. My life feels much fuller and rich by truly enjoying myself and the people that love me for my uniqueness.

1-Grab a self love workbook. Now hear me out. Lots of us don’t feel comfortable opening up to strangers. Who better to open yourself up to, but yourself? It’s easier to start inward and start learning to love yourself vs having others learning to love you.

2- Leave it all in therapy. Dig deep and have a mental health professional help you learn to love yourself while you explore why you react and think how you do.

3- Keep a Journal to help you along the way. Having a record to look back on and learn from will help you progress as you go.

RELATED POST: 20 Healthy Mindset Habits You Need to Improve Your Anxiety

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Your Mental Health is Suffering.

When your mental health is off, you start feeling numb to your surroundings. It’s very hard to appreciate your blessed life when you feel numb inside . A few mental illnesses that can cause you to ask yourself, “Why do I feel numb?” are:

• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
• Bipolar Disorder
• Borderline Personality Disorder
• Depression
• Anxiety Disorder
• ADHD
• and other mental health disorders

Tips for Healing Your Mental Health

Whether you need self care, medication, therapy, or psychiatric help; prioritizing your mental health can help you feel positive again and appreciating your blessed life in no time.

• Engage in positive habits to help prep your mind and body for positive changes.
• Get hobbies to improve your mental health. Having an escape will help you refocus.
• Lean on your support system and allow them to help you through it.
• Get help from your mental health professionals. Admitting that you need help is a strength, not a weakness.

RELATED POST: How to Be Happy When You’re Living With PTSD

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You are Not Chasing Your Passion.

We all have experienced jobs we hate. They zap our energy fast and leave us feeling empty and numb in our life. It becomes a chore to get out of bed and start the day. We feel our lives have become meaningless.

While not everyone can navigate a big career change in their lives; you can pursue your passion!

Start that dream garden, volunteer your time and work with pups that need help, or start a blog and start writing!

I volunteered with local dog rescues to help train foster dogs for their new lives. In later years, I started photographing rescue pups to help them get adopted. And now I have a blog to help others with their mental health. I am a woman of many loves and passions, so I dabble in all of them and really live a blessed life now.

Adding your passion to your day will give you a reason to look forward to your day. It may even give you the confidence to make big changes!

Tips to Follow Your Dreams Even When The Time Isn’t Right

• Start hobbies and activities that help you in the long run.
• Take a class to help you improve your skills.
• Volunteer with others to learn more about your passion.
• Join groups to make friends with like minded people.
• Start small at home projects to help develop your process.
• Follow social media accounts that align with your long term goals for inspiration.

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You’re Feeling Lonely.

Face it, making friends as an adult isn’t as easy as it is as a child. Back then, all we needed was to go to class together. Some of us are truly blessed to find true friends through work. I was not one of them.

We’re a military family, which means every few years, we move. And we’ve done this 5+ times now. Each time, I have to get new (in person) friends.

Tips to Heal Loneliness

Some of my best friendships have come from joining groups with interests similar to mine.

In our last city, I tried Dungeons & Dragons. I wanted a weekly outing that involved people and having free fun. Well, the free part turned out not to be true as I started buying a surplus of snacks for the games -I should have known as I love to snack!-, but the friends that I made are some of my most cherished. We still get together each week virtually to chat and play.

I have made friends through volunteering with dog rescue groups, church activities, local neighborhood get activities, Facebook groups, and even made friends by creating a doggie playgroup for my new puppy.

A blessed life should always include good friends!

• Just because you don’t live near someone, doesn’t mean you can’t be friends.
• Join some facebook groups and engage with people with the same interests as you.
• Get a pet! A fun pet always helps you feel less alone.
• Visit the elderly. You help relieve their loneliness too. And they never say no to a visit.
• Create your own network of friends. Find people that share your interests, your needs, your wants, and your journey. Those people are your tribe!
• Grab your copy of “Here to Make Friends” and learn how you can make lasting friendships.

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You’re Stressed and Need a Break to Reduce The Overwhelm.

Even the most positive of us get stressed. And with all the tragedy and heartache in the world, we’re bound to feel drained and empty.

It’s when we’re feeling empty that we need to love ourselves the most.

Self care will help you reduce the overwhelm and help you feel better again.

Tips to Reduce Stress and Overwhelming Feelings

When I am feeling excessively stressed, I take a sabbatical. I ditch social media and the news. “Ignorance is bliss” is a saying for a reason. I take a day(s) off work to clear my mind and reduce my stress levels. Getting away from my stressors helps me refocus on feeling good.

On my self care day, I partake of some of my favorite hobbies for stress relief!

And mine involves power tools!! It’s like getting your anger and frustration out, but in a safe and acceptable manner. I repurpose and repaint furniture, which can require sanding, drilling, cutting boards, power spraying, and more! After a day of working with my hands, I feel happy and tired.

On terrible days when I have less physical energy, I play video games. My favorite game that helps me relax –and is super cute- is Stardew Valley. The cute animals and simple graphics help me destress. Farm and building games really mellow me out so I can get away from the overwhelming feelings.

I always end my day with a hot bath filled with epson salt soak and lavender essential oil to help soothe my senses and help promote a restful sleep.

RELATED POST: 15 Anxiety Relief Products on Amazon for a Blissful Anxiety Self Care Kit

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Feeling numb and empty in your life is a sign that something needs to change. Whether that means you need to express your needs, take a break, or spend time with loved ones. Remember to take time to love yourself.

What does feeling numb inside signify to you? Tell me in the comments!