How to Plan a Self Care Vacation that Feels Like Self Care

Vacation used to mean one of two things to me: staying home or going somewhere new.

Then adulthood happened.

And somewhere between paying bills, being a wife and mom, keeping up with the house, figuring out what to make for dinner, sighing every time I get a spam call, and trying to squeeze self care into whatever time was left over, I realized something.

Most vacations aren’t actually designed to help us recover. They’re designed to entertain us.

But when you’re anxious, your nervous system needs a different kind of vacation. One that feels like a love language to yourself. You need a self care vacation.

The Early History of Vacations

During the 18th and 19th centuries, doctors often recommended travel to mineral springs, seaside towns, and mountain retreats with the belief that fresh air, rest, mineral waters, and a change of scenery could help people recover from illness. According to historian Cindy S. Aron’s Working at Play: A History of Vacations in the United States, many of the earliest American vacations centered around health and recuperation.

As railroads made travel more accessible, these health retreats gradually became popular vacation destinations. Over time, vacations became just as much about exploration, celebration, and entertainment as they were about recovery.

Is there anything wrong with taking a vacation to have fun? No, of course not. Some of my favorite memories have been made while exploring new places with family.

But somewhere along the way, many of us stopped asking one question, “What do I really need from this vacation?”

Maybe what we really need is a vacation designed around what we need instead of what we are supposed to do.

In many ways, a self care vacation is simply bringing back one forgotten purpose: giving ourselves permission to slow down, recharge, and return home feeling healthier than when we left.

After all, slowing down isn’t a new trend. It’s something we’ve been trying to reclaim for a very long time.

What is a Self Care Vacation?

When you think of a self care vacation, you are probably thinking about what TV show characters do when they need a break. They go to the spa. You know they sit around in white bath robes with cucumber slices on their eyes and sip lemon water while listening to meditation music. Then they go get massages and go home feeling rested and recharged.

Not going to lie, getting my spa on and getting pampered from head to toe does sound like heaven. But here’s the thing… A spa day is only one way to take a self care vacation.

And here’s the best part. Budget mommas, you are going to love this. A good self care vacation doesn’t have to be an expensive trip to tropical destinations to be effective. Unless that’s your thing. You don’t need a passport or even a plane ticket to take a self care vacation.

At the end of the day, a self care vacation is simply about restoring your mental and physical energy.

Maybe your self care vacation looks something like this:

The point isn’t where you go. It’s that you intentionally set aside time to slow down, reduce the noise, refill your emotional cup, and care for yourself.

What Are the Benefits of a Self Care Vacation?

I’ve been planning self care vacations (and cozy staycations) since the early 2000s to help manage my anxiety and PTSD. Yes, I am totally dating myself here, but hey, at least you know I’m experienced.

Honestly? It helps in SOOOO many little (and big) ways.

A self care vacation gives your body and mind a pause button from the chaos of your life. It gives you an opportunity to get a fresh perspective on your life.

When you are constantly juggling stress, every thing feels like a lot. But by stepping out of the tornado for a little while, everything feels more manageable.

Some benefits of a self care vacation are:

• Experience real relaxation.
• Break the fight-or-flight cycle.
• Sleep better and deeper, reset your sleep schedule, or leave bad sleep habits behind.
• Feel inspired and creative again. There’s nothing like writing a book about relaxation while sitting on a nice cool beach.
• Gain a fresh perspective on your challenges.
• Reconnect with what truly matters.
• Let go of habits and thought patterns that drain your energy.
• Feel more grounded, hopeful, and like yourself again.
• Return home with more patience for the people you love.

That’s the magic of a self care vacation. You come back to the world remembering what it feels like to be you again.

How Do I Plan a Self Care Vacation?

Here’s the skinny on self care vacation planning: don’t over complicate it.

Okay, if i can give you one tip above all the rest, it’s this: don’t overcomplicate it. I’m serious.

Your self care vacation can be as simple as staying home with your favorite snacks, blanket, and binge watching your favorite TV show. If that’s what your mind and body need right now, then girl… just do it!

1 Choose Your Vacation Destination

Not every vacation destination is good for your mental health.

When your goal is to come home rested and recharged, it’s not about choosing the latest Instagram hotspot. It’s about choosing a place where your body can finally exhale.

During our time in the military, we were blessed to have travel woven into our family life. We have lived all over the world- including Japan!

Because of that, I’ve learned something surprising. The perfect self care destination doesn’t need to be flashy—it just needs to feel like home to your nervous system.

Personally, I love going back to my hometown in North Carolina. It’s not exotic or Instagrammable, but it’s full of love, familiarity, and slow, sweet days. Porch sitting, family dinners, warm hugs.

That’s where I exhale.

That’s where my body and mind slow down and relax.

When choosing your destination, think about how it supports your senses. What will you see, smell, hear, touch, and taste that helps you feel grounded and relaxed? What place makes your body naturally let out a deep breath?

2 Who To Spend Your Time With

Here’s the truth: you don’t owe your time, energy, or space to anyone who drains you.

You are NOT required to take anyone with you who doesn’t leave you feeling supported and safe to be yourself.

Your self care vacation is about healing, not people pleasing.

You’re allowed to take a break from your kids, your partner, your responsibilities, whatever you need to come home and be your best self.

When you take care of yourself, you breathe all that love back into your family too.

As a military spouse, I learned to embrace solo and selective person travel. My husband couldn’t always join me, and ladies you know we all need time away sometimes. I needed that time to process, reset, breathe, and honestly, to miss those little things about him that make me smile. When I come back to him, I’m ready to be a loving and supportive wife again.

There are other times on my travels I crave connection. That is when I include friends or family I have been apart from for far too long. Sometimes it’s been years since I have seen old friends in places I have moved away from. And since I live in a different state than my mother and brother, I love to include them in my travels.

Every time I reconnect, laugh, and just be with them, I come back more joyful, grounded, and ready to take on the chaos of daily life again.

Whether you go solo or invite someone supportive, the key is choosing companions who help create the kind of vacation your mind and body needs.

3 Don’t Break Your Budget

*Puts on my pretend therapist glasses* Have you ever been on a vacation where you spent way too much money? How did you feel afterward? Because I bet the answer wasn’t “relaxed”.

If you’re anything like me you’re already thinking “Can I afford this?”, “Should I really spend this?”, and “What if something breaks the minute I get home?”

That anxiety is real. And It’s not erased by spending money. It’s erased by not spending any money you don’t have.

And you don’t have to spend large sums of money to get the most out of your self care vacation.

The best self care vacations are created with limited budgets, and a whole lot of imagination.

My favorite self care vacation was one I took recently with two of my favorite girls. We were saying goodbye to one of them before she moved. We had a simple backyard campfire, shared stories, and even talked about things we would miss (like being together in person) over HUGE s’mores and sweet tea. And ended the night watching a movie and staying up late. I still think about this night and I’m so thankful I opted to share my favorite childhood memory with my favorite girls.

When creating your self care vacation budget, ask yourself these questions:

• Can you enjoy this without worrying about the money?
• Will you regret this purchase tomorrow, next week, next month, or even next year?
• Does this fit into your life circumstances right now?
• Is there a way to treat the same need you have, but with spending less money? How?

A self care vacation should leave you feeling refreshed, not guilty every time the credit card bill arrives.

Years from now, you won’t remember how much money you spent. You’ll remember how you felt.

4 Don’t Overload Your Schedule

What is the biggest mistake made by anxious people on their self care vacation? They overschedule it.

Your self care vacation should meet you where you are. This is your permission slip to slow way down.

Give yourself space to breathe, play, and explore.

Read that again. When you rush, your nervous system interprets it as danger. Are we actually in danger? No. But our body doesn’t see it that way.

I once felt so rushed during a family vacation that I missed a warning sign and slammed face first into a glass wall at the aquarium. Instant bloody nose. Not my finest moment.

Rest, slowing down, and leisure help tell your body you’re safe. You don’t have to earn rest. You already deserve it.

Instead of packing your schedule, try letting your day unfold naturally:

• Wake up without alarms.
• Sip coffee in your pjs while watching the birds.
• Wander and enjoy your day at your own pace.
• Read a few chapters of that book you’ve been meaning to finish.
• Watch your favorite comfort show or see a movie you’ve been wanting to see in theatres.
• Sit outside and enjoy a sunset.
• Unplug your phone and let the evening wind down naturally.
• Tuck into bed early with clean sheets and no guilt about missing items on your vacation to do list.

Rest is productive.

You wouldn’t load up your day with errands and too much to do if you had the flu right? The same principle applies to your mental health.

Create some space in your day to just be. Your nervous system needs a slower pace to feel safe.

5 Schedule Extra Sleep FIRST

If there’s one thing you should build your whole self care vacation around, it’s sleep.

I like to take a lesson from my dog for this one. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your nervous system is to simply find your spot, flop over dramatically, and refuse to move until further notice.

Seriously though. Dogs don’t apologize for sleeping, and neither should you.

They don’t wake up and think, “Oh I should have gotten up at 6am to be first in line at the water park.”

They’re tired so they sleep. They feel rested so they play. Dogs instinctively know that rest is what they need to function at their best.

Think of extra sleep as medicine for your mind and body. It’s why you sleep more when you get sick, and you feel tired after a panic attack. Sleep really helps your nervous system settle down after stress.

Do yourself a favor. Turn off that alarm clock. Close the curtains (blackouts preferably). And give yourself permission to sleep in.

Whether you’re staying home or traveling somewhere new, plan your days around 8-10 hours of good, restful sleep. If your body needs more to balance back out? Girl, pull up your comforter, fluff your pillow ,and hit snooze.

Your nervous system will thank you.

If you’re a planner, try starting your schedule by planning rest. Because when you’re rested, everything feels more doable.

So sing “Mr. Sandman bring me a dream” and cuddle up. Sleep well first. Adventure second.

6 Make Room For Simple Joys

Anxiety already takes up enough space in our lives. Joy deserves some space too.

The one thing I wish someone had told me about adult life is that I can choose to make room for simple joys.

They’re moments that don’t have to accomplish anything, fix anything, or even be particularly exciting. They’re simply experiences you enjoy because they make being alive feel a little sweeter.

It’s bird watching in the morning when you drink your cup of coffee.

It’s about getting outside and exploring hiking trails with your dogs, and laughing as they bounce through fall leaves.

It’s snapping photos to store on your phone to look at just because they make you smile.

It’s curling up with a great book and losing yourself in the character’s story.

It’s trying a new hobby and deciding it’s not for you, but you got to laugh during the experience.

Simple joys do wonders for the soul. They are what makes life worth living.

But for some reason, we’re taught that we need to do more, be more, push more to be a successful adult. And we lose all our childlike wonder. But it’s the wonder that makes our lives wonderful.

I used to live my life trying to be everything for everyone, and never letting a single soul down. It was exhausting. And while I accomplished a lot of things that made other people happy, I never felt fulfilled. It wasn’t until I started taking time to romanticize my life and experience childlike wonder again that I felt my life was beautiful and full of richness.

Slowing down to experience the world and truly be a part of the moment gave me a vast appreciation for my life’s small blessings.

I sit outside with my birds, happy that I can hear them sing, and I have a yard to sit in and enjoy. I grow sunflowers because I like the way they look. I can see their big, sunny blooms, and smell their soft fragrant petals. I get to taste that first amazing sip of a cup of coffee everyday. I get to sing to the car’s radio at the top of my lungs when my favorite song comes on.

And please, don’t try to turn simple joys into another vacation to do. You just need a few moments here and there that are just for you.

Your self care vacation is a perfect time to explore your interests. Feel free to:

• Take a local art class.
• Go horseback riding on the beach.
• Rent a bike and explore.
• Do a craft that you haven’t had the time to do at home (like knitting or painting).
• Explore little bookstores with a coffee in your hand.
• Try puppy yoga.
• Spend the day at the amusement park, schedule free, until you’re tired.
• Do absolutely nothing.

A self care vacation is a perfect time to unapologetically be your favorite version of yourself and fall in love with life’s simple pleasures.

7 Untangle Yourself From Daily Overstimulation

Our modern world is one full of sights, sounds, and incredible tech marvels. We truly live in a day and age where the world never sleeps.

But then there’s the problem: the world is constantly begging for your attention 24/7. Emails, spam calls, social media notifications, flashing screens, alarms and alerts, and news feeds that show the entire world’s problems. It’s a lot of information for one brain to process.

I remember a time in my life when my alarm and the school bell were pretty much the only alerts of my day. I listened to CDs, carried a book in my purse for entertainment, and went about my day without a device constantly asking me to check in.

Life had natural pauses.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not anti-tech. I’m a writer who runs her entire blog from an iPad. I love my cameras and streaming services. And don’t even get me started on my Kindle. Having an entire library of books in my pocket might be my favorite modern invention.

But there’s a downside to carrying a world that never sleeps in our pockets. It never has to stop.

And apparently, our stress levels may reflect that.

The American Psychological Association (APA) found that people who constantly check their email, texts, and social media reported higher average stress levels than people who checked their devices less frequently.

APA even has a name for technology-related stress: technostress, which can include feeling overwhelmed by the constant flow of new information.

Are you surprised? We can wake up and immediately start consuming information before our feet even hit the floor. We scroll during meals, check in while we wait, watch TV with another screen in our hands, and finish the night scrolling through everything we missed while we were busy. There is always something our brains could be processing.

When I studied photography, I learned about something called negative space. Negative space is the open area in your image. It’s frequently used to highlight the subject. It isn’t something the photographer forgot to fill. It’s an intentional part of the composition that gives your eye somewhere to rest.

Crowd your image and even beautiful things can compete for your attention. Your eye gets overwhelmed and doesn’t know where to begin.

I wonder if we’re accidentally doing the same thing to our lives. We keep filling the spaces.

Maybe our minds need somewhere to rest too. Our lives need negative space. Moments when there is simply less coming in. A chance for our brains to breathe.

Your self care vacation is a perfect opportunity to intentionally put some negative space into your day.

This doesn’t mean you need to completely unplug. Bring your phone. Read your Kindle by the pool. Take pictures. Watch movies in your hotel room. Technology can absolutely be part of what helps you relax.

Instead, pay attention to what feels like mental clutter.

Turn off notifications you don’t need. Let emails wait. Take the picture, then put away your phone and enjoy the moment. Try focusing on one thing at a time instead of watching TV and using your phone.

Don’t forget about stimulation happening away from your screens too. A packed schedule, crowded restaurants, loud attractions, constant conversation, and being on the go all day can become overwhelming too.

Leave open space in your plans. Every hour of your vacation doesn’t need somewhere to go or something to do. Spend the morning exploring and the afternoon relaxing. Go out to dinner and come back to your hotel early. Sit by the pool with your Kindle. Take a nap. Change your plans because you’ve had enough for the day.

If you start feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself: What is demanding my attention right now, and what can I do to quiet some of it?

Giving yourself negative space might look like:

• Turning off your phone for an hour.
• Sitting somewhere quiet after a busy afternoon.
• Closing the curtains, crawling into bed, and reading until you fall asleep.
• Taking an extra long hot bath to get a moment to yourself.
• Putting on noise cancelling headphones to soften the sounds around you
• Eat a meal without scrolling through your phone.

The goal isn’t to remove all stimulation from your vacation. It’s to give yourself an ebb and flow between experiencing the world and resting from it.

RECOMMENDED READING: 20 HEALTHY MINDSET HABITS TO IMPROVE ANXIETY

8 Don’t Leave Behind a Dirty Home

Oh, that post-vacation glow. You’re sad to go home, but ready to get back to your life. But I bet you’re not ready to get back to your chores. Well, neither am I. That’s why I have a little pre-vacation prep I do before I leave so I can come home and keep the relaxation going instead of being thrown headfirst into the middle of my life.

I’m not talking about a deep clean, no. But you should do the chores that are going to make your life easier when you get back. I’m talking about making sure the washer and dryer are ready for vacation laundry. Your bed is ready for possibly sunburnt you… no dirty, scratchy sheets. Anything that will smell, like trash and spoiling food, should be taken out. You don’t want flies when you get back either. Move items that will make coming home harder, like random shoes by the door, back to their proper homes. Do a quick vacuum, and even a quick mop if you like, and you’re ready to go.

You’re not doing it for vanity or for your housekeeper. You’re doing it for your future self who is tired after traveling and just wants to rest. You’re making her life easier by preparing for the tired after vacation ends. Trust me, she’s going to thank you for showing her a little love.

RECOMMENDED READING: I wrote an entire article about why I clean before vacation, what I actually clean, and what to do if you don’t have the energy to do it yourself. Should I Clean Before Vacation? A Self Care Essential

Plan Your Self Care Vacation

You deserve time that fills you up, not drains you. That takes planning. What is the one goal you want your self care vacation to accomplish? Is it rest, fun, problem solving time? Once you know what you need, what smart goals can help you get there? Make yourself a little checklist.

• Rest. ✅
• Ditch the guilt. ✅
• Slow down. ✅
• Do what you love. ✅

A self care vacaton isn’t about where you go. It’s about how you want to feel when you come home.